Scratched Pews

Several months ago on “our” church pew we noticed some scratches. We were oblivious until those scratches became deeper and more visible. It was then we realized the buckles from Kelly’s suspenders were the culprit. A choice had to be made. We could choose to ignore the scratches and continue damaging the pew…or not. A small pillow was quickly grabbed and put behind him as a barrier to protect the wood from those metal buckles.

Looking at those scratches made me start thinking – How often have we “scratched” someone’s heart and been oblivious to what we have done? We didn’t mean to do it. Life happens. We are unaware of how our actions have affected another person. When those moments are made known we have a choice. We can respond with care, love, and humility…or not.

How do we respond when we’ve hurt someone?

Defensiveness (aka pride). Have you ever heard the words, “I didn’t mean to do it.”? It seems we say that phrase and feel it should magically wipe away any pain we may have caused. Long ago a friend confronted me with an 18 page letter of everything I had done wrong to her over a multi year span. Little scratches that over time had become deep and painful for her. My response? Young, dumb and defensive. The hurt was not intentional, I was completely unaware of the majority of things she mentioned. However, instead of accepting the hurt my actions had caused, pride was the response. Because “I didn’t mean to do it” her words did not prick my heart. Instead of simply saying “I’m sorry,” I put it all back on her by saying “I’m sorry you feel that way.” An opportunity to gently buff the scratches and scars away was lost. Instead of asking what could be done to ease her pain, it became more exposed and raw.

Pride closes the door on growth.

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 16:18

Humility allows God to guide us.

“He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way.”

Psalms 25:9

There are also those times we’ve been hurt because someone made a purposeful choice. A choice to NOT put a pillow (or barrier) between the offending words or actions. Scratches become scars. What then?

How should we respond when we’ve been hurt, when the apology seems to be too little to late?

With humility. This is a really hard road for many of us. It is much easier to lash out and hold onto hurts and grudges. That is not God’s plan. Many of us know the story of Joseph. His brothers were horribly jealous of him, threw him in a pit, sold him into slavery and allowed their father to believe he was dead. After all of the pain these brothers caused Joseph he spoke these words; “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. Genesis 50:20-21

Humility opens the door to grace.

“…be clothed with humility, for ‘God resists the proud,

But gives grace to the humble.'”

1 Peter 5:5

Grace with humility will allow us to look past our hurt and “keep no records of wrongs.”

“Love is patient, love is kind…it is not proud, rude or self-seeking…it keeps no record of wrongs.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

God presents us with opportunities to show humility and grace to those we have hurt and who have hurt us, inadvertently or not. It is in those moments we have a choice…pride or humility, self or Christ.

“Conduct yourselves with all humility, gentleness, and patience.

Accept one another with love, and make an effort to preserve the unity of the Spirit

with the peace that ties you together.”

Ephesians 4:2-3

Or, to put it most simply…”love one another as I have loved you.” Jesus

Listen to His Voice,

Lee Ann

a short addendum…there are those who hurt intentionally with no remorse or self-control. Walk away, seek help if needed, and trust in a Father who loves you.