When Life Gets Messy…

When Life Gets Messy…Or…Job’s Friends

Most of our life in scripture, we have had negative feelings and thoughts about Job’s friends.  In fact, they were condemned by God in Job 42:7-9 for their lengthy speeches.

“After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.” So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the Lord told them; and the Lord accepted Job’s prayer.”

A weary Job told them how miserable they were as comforters and friends in Job 16:2, “I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, all of you!”.

Scholars tell us their theology was very common in the ancient world, “that you get what you deserve” and suffering is a result of “punishment from the gods”.  Surely Job had done something wrong. Surely Job deserved it somehow. Surely if I do everything right, it won’t happen to me. I am glad we are gotten past this warped theology in the twenty-first century.  Or have we?

There is something intrinsically deep in us that wants answer for why something happened. We want to figure it out (maybe like Job’s friends) so we can avoid something bad happening to us to??? When we hear of an illness, a sudden death, a wreck, a robbery, or you-fill-in-the-blank, do we ask questions to help us understand or avoid the same event?  Were they speeding? Did they have symptoms beforehand? Why weren’t they watching the child? Did they eat badly? Did they smoke? Was it raining? Why didn’t they lock their car? How did they get in? Were they drinking? You know the questions. I am guilty of them too. But I digress at this point…. Do Job’s friends resemble us? There are some great lessons on the positive to take from Job’s much reviled friends.

Job’s friends did three things RIGHT.  First, they came to him when he needed them.  Next they tore their own robes, wept aloud and sprinkled ash on themselves. They empathized with him.  They cared enough to share his discomfort. And thirdly, they commiserate with Job for SEVEN days. For seven days, they stuck it out before they started talking.  I have trouble keeping my mouth shut for ten minutes much less seven days. These guys cared about Job.

Job 2 states, “When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Job 3 is where I think the story starts to shift and his friends start to take matters in their own hands.  Job starts to lament. He bears his soul. He curses the day he was born. His turmoil, his pain, his fear, his despair, his anger are all let go in the third chapter.  Go back and read it. It’s not easy to read. I think this is where I can learn from Job’s friends. I am a pretty reserved personality. I am uncomfortable with strong emotions.  I usually keep my feelings to myself and subconsciously I probably expect others to do so. I am a “fixer”. I completely identify with Martha but that is another blog. I am a doer and a problem solver. I think I know what created the shift in the story.  

Some of us are uncomfortable with strong emotions and Job was letting it all go. I think Job’s friends were. They wanted to fix it and telling Job to repent  was the best they could do.  In personal pain in my own life, I have had the same experience.  Bear with me here. Have you had well-meaning friends you loved and cared for completely try to shut down your normal human emotions?  When you express doubt? Pain? Anger? Despair? Hate? Frustration? Our God is not afraid of honest emotions. We shouldn’t be either.

Our most common approach to these strong emotions and scripture is trying to “fix” it.  We quote scriptures and platitudes like “all things work together”, “God has a plan”, “get yourself together”, “heaven got another angel” or you fill in the blank.  How did you feel? It felt hollow and empty and painful.

I once counseled a young lady that had been raped as a child. Well-meaning brethren told her God had a plan and it was all going to work out good for God. She left her faith for a season because she didn’t want to have anything to do with a God who allowed her to be raped repeatedly over several years. All things work together for good. It is a process not an explanation. The event is not good and it is not what God wanted for us since creation.  I know that to be true and sound in my faithwalk AFTER THE FACT but is that what you really need in the moment? She needed to held, wept with, allowed to grieve.  

Jesus wept himself . He knew Lazarus was going to be raised but he allowed himself to feel human pain. We need to allow people the time to process and show them love and listening ears.  That was the flaw in Job’s friends.

It took 42 chapters to resolve Job’s story.  Human friends were trying to do it in three chapters with their words.  Let us be the people of TIME. Let us serve and allow people to fall into our arms with all their foibles and frailties. At one time or another, it will be us. Let’s stick with Job 2 when Job 3 begins. Maranatha!

Jayme